Relationships are hard. Anyone that tells you their relationship with a loved one didn’t take work is lying to you.
I have dealt with my fair share of bad relationships and even worse endings to those relationships and I am here to tell you… YOU WILL SURVIVE. I promise. This is not the end of everything in your life, even if it feels like it.
So here are my 5 steps to getting over a bad breakup/relationship.
Step 1: ALLOW YOURSELF TO BE SAD
It is perfectly normal to feel like you’ve been hit by a train and just want to lay in bed all day. Trust me, we’ve all been there. No one expects you to look fresh and put together the next day after being broken up with. If you need to take some time to cry and vent, find a good friend and let loose. Just know that at some point, you will start to feel better.
Step 2: DISTRACT YOURSELF
Now this comes later, when the mourning of the relationship has gone on too long. The absolute worse thing you can do is sit at home alone every night and watching Gossip Girl while eating Ben and Jerry’s. It is alright to allow yourself to be sad, but not excessively. There will come a time when everyone around you is sick of hearing about it, but that is not the time to wall yourself up in your room. GET OUT THERE! Do things you enjoy! Pick up a new hobby, join a workout class, or go out for a shopping trip with your girlfriends (my favorite). Before you know it you will have forgotten about Mr. Ex and will start to wonder how you even had time to deal with him.
Step 3: ALLOW YOURSELF TO FANTASIZE
You are now a single woman with no man to tie you down. This should be a fun time in your life! Don’t be scared to check out the cutie at work or to talk to guys in class. You should be slowly preparing yourself to get back into the dating scene. This maybe a long process (usually depending on how long you were with the last guy) but that is completely ok! Allow yourself to ease back in at your own pace. I DO NOT suggest just going out with any guy that asks or having some one-night-stands. That will only make you feel uncomfortable about being single again and can potentially lead to more heartache.
Step 4: LEARN FROM IT
While you still might hate his guts, it is fair to say that most breakups are not one sided. There are things that you can take away, maybe things he said he didn’t like, and improve on. BUT YOU SHOULD NOT CHANGE FOR HIM!! Any man that truly loves you will never want you to change who you are. Instead of changing, what I mean by this is, for instance, I am terrible at texting people back, and that caused problems with an ex of mine. So even though the relationship didn’t work out (for other reasons) I know that I also have to make an effort to text my guy and contribute to the conversation. Not only can you learn things about yourself, you can learn what you really want to look for in a guy. Maybe Mr. Ex wasn’t very romantic and you are. Maybe he liked to stay in and watching tv and you like going out. Now that you are single you now know that maybe you need someone that is a better fit for you. Since that relationship didn’t workout, figure out WHY it didn’t work out.
Step 5: LEARN TO LOVE YOURSELF
I cannot stress how important this is. If you do not love the person that you are, how can anyone else? That being said, learn to love yourself as a single person. After being in a long term relationship it is hard to picture life or yourself without that person. But once that relationship has ended, you must start thinking in terms of who you are as an individual. Not only will this help you identify the fantastic person that you are and the things you really want out of life, but it will allow you to be more confident in finding and keeping your next mate.
I DO NOT claim to know everything about relationships, and of course every break up is different and has situations that these steps may not apply. But I hope that you will keep these in the back of your mind. If a relationship is meant to work out, it will.