Maybe it’s because I’m still young (25 is young, right?) but one of the main reasons that I see all the time for couples my age not staying together has to do with the couple evolving in different ways.
It’s a natural part of getting older; that wants, desires, and goals will change and adapt to our current state in life. The goals you had for yourself at 21 will hopefully not be the same goals you have for yourself at 31. And while your teens and 20s are inevitably a massive time for change, you still grow and evolve for the rest of your life.
For relationships, even friendships, to last throughout your life, it’s so important to grow and evolve together.
Talk and plan together
Most of this boils down to communication, or the lack of it. Sure, there are things that you will decide on your own, but you should still know whether or not you and your partner have the same long term goals in mind. Maybe you want to have kids by age 30, but does your partner? You might also want to live in a new city for awhile, just to try it out, but can or will your partner move too?
Having the same longer term goals in mind will help establish that you both are on the same page, that you both will be taking steps towards that same goal, and that you can depend on each other to be there working together.
Make time for each other
This totally goes for friends too. If you never spend time with someone, you will undoubtedly drift apart and evolve in different ways. Even the simple task of making time to talk on the phone, or meet up for coffee, can do wonders in keeping friendships alive and well. Just put in effort.
As for your partner, hopefully you are speaking to them more than the occasional phone call. But it’s important to still make time to do things just the two of you. Go on dates, talk about your day at work, and just be apart of each other’s daily life. A well connected couple is a strong couple.
Embrace big life choices with the same mindset
Life is the queen of throwing curve balls. And you may encounter some situations that you and your partner don’t necessarily see eye to eye. While that may be inevitable, if you and your partner can come to a compromise that suits you both, you’ll be much stronger for it.
Depending on the size of the issue at hand, no doubt that choosing a different path than your partner will cause you to drift apart. Especially when you are married, important decisions should always be made as a couple, with a resolution that both people are happy with.
The decisions you make together will not only form a stronger bond, but they will serve as a foundation for any other issue you may encounter later on. The better you get at compromising and approaching life with the same mindset, the easier it will be to settle issues that come your way..
Give them space to evolve
Especially if you started dating someone at a young age, they are going to grow up and change. In fact, I would think that you would want them to. I don’t want to be 30 and still dating a guy that acts like a teenager. No thank you!
But while it is important to be open and involved in each other’s growth, it is also very important to give your partner space to evolve on their own. For instance, they don’t have to agree with everything you want. They should be able to have their opinions, and sometimes that difference in opinion will help you rethink things and promote your own personal growth.
They will also go through personal growth with their work and their other relationships (like friends and family). Allow them to figure out who they are as a person, but make sure there is a place for you in their life as things change. As you find what works for you as individuals, it will be easier to find what works for you as a couple.
Personal growth is hard, which makes growing with someone else even harder. But finding the balance of your own goals and your partner’s goals will make for a more secure relationship in the end. Evolving together is not always easy, but for every important relationship in your life, it is a must.
Have you noticed times when you have felt like you were evolving away from someone? How do you prioritize evolving with your partner?